For some reason I really want to score for this radio test. I want to do a good job. I am motivated.

Why the sudden motivation? I have no clue.

This my 100th post. I was saving it for something special, but there really isn't anything special to say besides me being completely and utterly fed up with life. Let me die in my sleep ugh.

This is the second time in a month. I try to move on and someone with the best intentions calls and puts forth a crazy plan that... Well actually wasn't a complete disaster. Then someone else with the best intentions calls and sets me straight.

I admit defeat.

Then feeling confident, drunk on too many late night movies, I once again set myself up.

But it's foolproof, it's materialistic it's stupid!

And I am happy now. Which is good enough for me I guess...

Somehow, I'm glad nobody reads this. Maybe I'll feel embarassed and delete this in a day or two but what the fuck man? Shoot for the stars.

Someone asked me why I stopped blogging. I realise I haven't got anything interesting to say. Maybe that's my problem.

Think about the animals used in product testing. Think about the monkeys shot into space. Without their death, their pain, without their sacrifice, we would have nothing.

And that is completely true isn't it? We think of Armstrong and Gargarin when we think of the pioneers of spaceflight. We never stop to think about the Laika and the other nameless animals shot into space with no intention to be retrieved. We've build the foundations of so many great discoveries on the corpses of animals whose names we never bother to remember. Hell, how many people even know who Laika is?

I know when I was a kid I didn't. Then my mum bought me this poster from Kinokuniya with a map of the Solar System, complete with little icons showing approximately where various spacecraft were at the time of printing. In of of the icons, there was a cartoon of a dog sitting on a rocket. So I looked it up on the internet and read about Laika.

It's something that struck a chord in me. It's like a Disney tale with a twisted ending. From stray dog to astronaut martyr. There is without a doubt than in Laika's short three years alive, she had accomplished something far greater than most of us could ever aspire to do.

Work with animals is a source of suffering to all of us. We treat them like babies who cannot speak. The more time passes, the more I'm sorry about it. We shouldn't have done it... We did not learn enough from this mission to justify the death of the dog. - Dr. Vladimir Yazdovsky

I wanted to do something nice for her: She had so little time left to live. - Oleg Gazenko

So before Gargarin, remember Laika...

Somebody reminded me that I had a blog, thus I shall attempt to blog something vaguely interesting...

My life has become very interesting. So many problems and so many opportunities. Most them I just waltz past because I can't be arsed and also because I'm sick of trying for this and trying for that and failing miserably. Yeah, I know you can't go through life not trying anything because you're afraid of failing, but I need to take a break from all this.

I want detachment.

But for when things get really messed up and complicated, I know I've got friends to help me out...





But as always, there's no time for any drama, what with school invading every hour of free time we've got. Fridays are quite fun though. We've got Drama and Poetry.

Today's workshop was... Odd... We had to pair up and blindfold our partner and lead them all over the school and write a poem based on our experiences. I paired up with Kin and Sonia paired up with Yi Min.

Most people had rather poetic descriptions of their surroundings... Describing the world with an absence of sight and colour. For Yi Min and I, it was very different. I experienced loss, paranoia, fear and axiety and Kin regularly made me walk into random strangers and wander alone on my own.

What really took the cake was KIN AND SONIA LEAVING YI MIN AND I IN A LIFT WHILE BLINDFOLDED.

Thanks guys.

I've run out of things to blog about. So I am going to go watch Skins.